Tag Archives: the guys

American Idol Snark Post #8: I Really Hate This Show Sometimes

I hate it because it has ceased to surprise me as often as it once did. Since the revolution of season seven that saw artistry take over from the ability to sing a high F ( bonus points if you have both), I have noticed a different kind of typical song choice. ” Hallelujah”. Quirky pop classics “transformed” into  “rock” songs. “Hallelujah”. Lame country songs sung in a bid to be seen as rootsy and all-American. Mother-frickin’ “Hallelujah”.

Seriously, I know Jeff Buckley’s arrangement of the Leonard Cohen classic is brilliant ( not as brilliant as John Cale’s, but I digress). STOP SINGING IT!

The show got off to a bad start with Kara and Simon acting like idiots again.  I do not want to talk about Simon’s reported engagement or anything else when we have a tightly packed show.

Lee DeWyze starts us off with “Fireflies” by Owl City. I have a real problem with this song, namely that dude’s nasally, whiny voice. Lee has a gruffer, grittier tone,  but stripped it all away to sing a pleasant, if not all that thrilling song.

Alex Lambert deigned to take on a song by a personal favorite singer of mine, Ray LaMontaigne. “Trouble” seems to be the go to bluesy rock folk alt country song for shows like these, and Alex’s nasal voice ( seriously, I wanted to tell him to fix his adenoids) was well suited for the song. he’s also beginning to conquer his nerves a bit, even if the judges are right in commenting on his current stiff performing style. It’s better than the fetal position on the floor sobbing, right?

Tim Urban was the idiot who decided to tackle “Hallelujah”, a song on the verge of losing its awesome status because everyone now thinks it’s genius. His vocal was bland, forgettable, and frankly, I don’t care if he didn’t fall off the tracks this week, it was robotic. I don’t know what the judges were on this week, that was bad.

Andrew Garcia takes desperate to a new level with a stripped down version of ” Genie In A Bottle” , that dreadful Christina Aguilera song that I never wanted to hear ever again. It wasn’t so awful wanted to hurt someone, but it wasn’t good. If only the judges didn’t keep harping on that Hollywood week Paula Abdul cover all the time to remind us Andrew has become stagnant.

Pretty boy Casey sand Keith Urban’s “You’ll Think Of Me”. I actually really like this song, I like Keith Urban. And Casey did a credible vocal on that song. He still needs to work on his technique ( he still seems to be struggling with supporting his notes).  But on a night like this, I’ll take middling and competent.

Aaron has to go with ” I’m A;ready There”, one of those treacly country ballads sung about living life on the road. It was terrible. I didn’t hear a single on key note, his phrasing was off, and this terrible song was too big for him. The over praise form the judges makes me believe that they think Katie Stevens may be going home, so they need a new cute teen to pimp.

The bane of my Idol season nine, Todrick ” I’m the best thing since Michael Jackson-WHOO!” Hall, did the impossible. He made me hate a Queen song.

That shreiky, screamy, shouty vocal that started of way too high and then bizarrely strayed to his mid tone, where he proceeded to run rough shod over the intricate vocal melody Freddie Mercury created- that was a crime against music. And the so-called music experts on the panel LIKED it.

For that and that alone, I have fired all four judges.

Fortunately, Michael Lynche saved my night with a simply gorgeous take of Maxwell’s “This Woman’s Work”. I only wrote down in my notes the following:

“Nearly perfect”.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I am talking about. Take a song and SING IT.

I really think that poor Aaron and Andrew are in trouble, because Tim is gorgeous and therefore no one will send him home till next week, and Todrick, being my new mortal Idol enemy, will never leave ( Gokey, after all, made top three).

Till tonight, then, I have to just keep saying over and over ” My top four are Crystal, Siobhan, Lilly, and Mike”.

Repeat along with me, dear reader. You know I’m right.


American Idol Snark Post #4: There Is No Where To Go But Up… Right?

Last week, the boys were so disappointing I was ready to jump off the nearest multi story building so I never had to hear them again. I was looking forward to the girls, but the guys were soul crushingly bad. So when I read that the girls performance show was postponed due to a medical emergency, I was almost devastated. (P.S.- get well, Crystal Bowersox, because  we need you!)

Then the boys went, And it was better. Much, much better. That doesn’t mean, though, that it was a great Idol show. It just means I’m less likely to kill someone tomorrow.

Mike Lynche started it, though, with a bang, with a soulful, smart, great version of James Brown ” This Is A Man’s World”.  It’s a personal fave of mine, that song,  and it’s one I dislike when sung by anyone who isn’t the Godfather of Soul, but Mike did a really good job with it. It’s also a major achievement this season to stay in key, which he did.

John Park continues to baffle me, with a dull song choice ( John Mayer’s “Gravity”? Really? Dude). He has the tools to be a good singer, but I find him to be so milquetoast when he sings that I tend to forget he exists.

Casey James regressed this week vocally, but the man can play a Fender, so I forgive him his rather mediocre vocal on ” I Don’t Wanna Be” because there was some good fret work.

Alex Lambert wins most improved by not fainting on stage while singing John Legend’s ” Everybody Knows”. I still think he’s falling short on song choice, but he also shows promise and is a good guitarist.

Todrick ” I’m A Golden God Worship Me” Hall will be my Gokey-Sanjaya this season if he stays, because I cannot stand him, his voice, his attitude… And why take a classic if poorly aged song like ” What’s Love Gotta Do With It” and eff it up so much? Why? Does he hate music?

Jermaine Sellers also grates, and his choosing ” What’s Goin’ On” is a crime. (It’s a song that should never be touched ever by anyone. Marvin Gaye is dead. Quit killing him over and over again by destroying his masterpiece). Considering the song, it was an atrocious performance.

Andrew Garcia tackled James Morrison’s ” You Give Me Something”, and while I thought it was a fine vocal, it lacked a spark that I want from someone who is clearly a good and creative as Andrew. It felt staid and a little stiff.

Aaron Kelly, all of sixteen, massacred ( in a horrible, puppy killing way) “My Girl”. Why do Idol contestants insist on singing this song? Talk about old-fashioned. There is no way to update this song, it’s firmly stuck in the 60s Motown era. And boo to Simon for even mentioning Justin Bieber’s name on my Holy Grail of TV Reality Shows.

I would like to take this moment to mention that “Milquetoast” is not recognized by spell check.

Tim Urban, who looks like an Osmond with even worse hair, or Zac Efron with worse hair ( take your pick).  He goes with ” Come On Get Higher” is another mid tempo guitar song with slightly racy lyrics for family friendly Idol audiences ( Gwen asked me twice if the line ” swing of your hips” was allowed on Idol before). It was not good. Not liking the song, not liking his voice., not liking anything. He should go home. And Simon was too fucking nice to the guy. Which makes me wonder what Simon was smoking earlier.

Le Dewyze was the guy who surprised me the most last week. Picking Hinder’s “Lips Of An Angel” gets me to roll my eyes, as I think Hinder is lame. But I still think he’s a really good singer. I give him credit for not trying to reach for notes he knows he can’t ( ahem… Tim Urban). But still hate the song. It wasn’t horrible.

So, yeah, it was a better show by the guys. We still have a long, long way to go. But we are getting there.

The girls return tomorrow. Here’s hoping that Crystal is okay and we get a good show.


American Idol Post #2: I’d Rather Watch The Irish Bobsled Team Come in Last Again

I missed the first ten minutes of Idol tonight due to family stuff, but judging from the clip of Todrick Hall singing ” Since U Been Gone” and Aaron Kelly singing ” Here Comes Goodbye”, I missed absolutely nothing.

I said in my previous post that the guys looked underwhelming and I wasn’t wrong. Jermaine Sellers dull, pitchy ” Get Here” ruined a gorgeous song, plus he reeks of entitlement, which is a turn off. Tim Urban took a song I dislike in “Apologize” and made me miss Ryan Tedders’ whiny voice. Look for Tim to go home tomorrow.

Joe Muñoz did a credible, nice version of Jason Mraz’s ” You and I” . Not bad for a guy with two seconds of screen time before this week. Tyler Grady’s “American Woman” was atrocious, ruining a classic song and making me remember how much I hate Jim Morrison.

Lee Dewyze redeemed the guys somewhat with his song choice. ” Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol is a personal fave of mine, and I tend to give leeway to people who pick interesting songs from artists I like ( I give out bonus points if you go to the Brits). He changed it a little too much for my liking, but he has a voice I could get behind.

The less I say about John Park’s desecration of ” God Bless The Child” the better.

Michael Lynche pulled out ” This Love”, my least favorite Maroon Five song, but I liked it just fine. He at least seemed upbeat, which was needed considering how dreary this show felt.

Alex Lambert surprised me with James Morrison’s ” Wonderful World” ( plus ten for Brit!). He is a sound alike, but he’s a sound alike with an ability to change it up just enough not to be a mimic. But I preferred listening to watching, as he has zero charisma on stage. Still, bonus five for giving the band a shout out.

The performance of the night goes to Kara’s eye candy Casey James, whose version of ” Heaven” was a bit safe and straight, but at least sung and performed well.

Andrew Garcia’s slightly bonkers version of ” Sugar We’re Goin’ Down” went over well with me. The vocals were solid, even if the arrangement left a lot to be desired. At least he was different and picked an artist I can’t remember being done on Idol before.

The judges were deplorable tonight ( except Ellen, who kept apologizing to poor Casey James for Randy, Kara, and Simon’s assoholic antics during his song). The guys and PsychoBitch get minus fifty points from me and are on notice.

That’s all I got. Man, Idol, you’re losing me…