Soundtrack of my Life: “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” by the Smiths


I hate love songs.

I generally hate love, mostly because I’m a bitter old hag who hasn’t dated in thirteen years. I’m damaged beyond words and to say I have trust issues might be a drastic understatement.

I know this song list is overflowing with love songs. So, the first thing you need to know is that when I say I hate love and love songs, I’m lying through my teeth. I’m nursing another broken heart, wounded by potential gone unfulfilled. It doesn’t change anything. I’m still a squishy romantic trying to deny that I have any feelings.

Morrissey always has played to my darker side. “There is a Light” is no exception, where tragedy meets synth strings and I curl up on my bed and cry.  Moz and Marr take me to that place where sacrifice and hope meets death and destruction. To rather die than end a date is pretty bold thing to want. Since I spent most of my life trying to find a safe place to escape to from an unhappy home,  and failing miserably at that very simple goal, I totally get what Morrissey is saying. I don’t want to leave you, this is where I’m happy, and I don’t care if we get steamrolled by a Mack truck, I just want to be this happy forever. The misery begins again once you go. Things go unsaid in Moz’s fantasy, fear of rejection was a frequent theme in his lyrics. And so we reach a stalemate. And all this over a minor key arpeggiated flute sound.

When I saw Johnny Marr late last year on his club tour, he played “There Is A Light”, and even without Morrissey there to indulge my inner teenage disciple, it still meant everything to me when I heard it. As much as I love Marr’s solo work, and as trying Morrissey can be even when you are a fan, the Smiths songs still cut deep and speak to the broken parts of me. Don’t let the cheerful melody lead you astray. This song is brutal in its self-doubt and need.

 

 

 

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